Leo Santa Cruz Misses The Mark in Defense of Featherweight Title

Rafael Rivera (L) and Leo Santa Cruz (R) fail to land punches

FightClubWriter.com | February 17, 2019

Featherweight titleholder Leo Santa Cruz sets the Stat-U-Punch record for most misses in a world title fight at the Microsoft Theater in Los Angeles.

Santa Cruz missed a whopping 939 punches in a unanimous decision victory against over matched challenger Rafael Rivera who missed 654 punches of his own.

Both fighters combined to throw 1,593 missed punches.

Rivera (26-3-2, 17 KOs) took the fight on three weeks’ notice when Santa Cruz’s original opponent Miguel Flores withdrew due to an ankle injury. Rivera was content with his losing performance since it was on such short notice.

“I know I didn’t land [on Santa Cruz] enough to win, but I was happy with my exit velocity and launch angles,” Rivera said.

Not to be outdone, Santa Cruz (36-1-1, 19 KOs) downplayed his missed punches and touted his high exit velocity and launch angles.

“I threw a lot of bricks, but you need lots of stamina to miss that many,” Santa Cruz said. “But my exit velocity was high and my launch angles were on point. If I connect with any of those 939 missed punches, I was due to score a knockout.”

Manny Pacquiao Eyes Lucrative Rematch

FightClubWriter.com | January 22, 2019

Manny Pacquiao (61-7-2, 39 KOs) easily defeated Adrien Broner (33-4-1, 24 KOs) via unanimous decision at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas Saturday night.

After the fight it was reported by Pacquiao team members that the 40-year-old Philippine senator suffered a serious eye injury.

In his post-fight interview, Pacquiao said he would like a rematch with Antonio Margarito who he violently battered in their 2010 super welterweight title fight.

Margarito who sustained severe eye damage in his loss to Pacquiao suggested they fight in a “Bird Box challenge” match where both combatants wear blind folds.

What say you?


“Do they have large talons?”

Adam Henry | Butt Scratcher Salesman

“Don’t the judges usually do the Bird Box challenge at the boxing games?”

Helga Agiprops | Street Sign Spinner

“Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts and Rick ‘The Model’ Martel invented that shit at WrestleMania.”

Joker | Software Engineer

Trump Declares National Emergency To Make Boxing Great Again

FightClubWriter.com | January 16, 2019

President Donald Trump declares a national emergency to make American Boxing great again. Trump’s first order is to stop the immigration crisis infecting the American Boxing industry by building a human wall in boxing rings across the country.

“Today, on this day, at this moment, like right now, I am putting an end to all these immigrants coming into our country to fight in our boxing rings,” Trump said.

Trump declared the national emergency by hastily writing and signing an executive order on a McDonald’s cheeseburger wrapper. Trump says he will pay for the human wall out of his own pocket.

“I will pay for this human wall from my personal bank account, well, actually, it will be coming out of Donald Junior’s trust fund, maybe Eric’s, but definitely Junior’s. I will do whatever it takes. What. Ever. It. Takes. To make Boxing great again. American Boxing,” said Trump.

According to a press release handed out by White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckleberry Sanders, Trump will hire thousands of undocumented immigrants to form the human wall in boxing rings across America.

The workers are being plucked from Honduras, Guatemala, El Salvador and Mexico and will arrive in caravans that were donated to the Trump Administration by Fox News. The workers will receive a single fast food meal as their only source of income.

Trump promises Boxing will rise to prominence once again by keeping out all the immigrants that take away prizefights from hardworking American boxers.

“You will be going back to work! I made this promise the American Boxing industry will return to its golden age. The days of Great White Hopes will be here once again,” exclaimed Trump.

The construction of the human wall will begin immediately in boxing gyms and arenas along the southern border and eastern seaboard. No word on whether Saturday’s scheduled 12-round welterweight fight in Las Vegas between an American convict and Philippine congressman will go on as planned.

This Day In Boxing History, January 7

FightClubWriter.com | January 7, 2019

On this day in 1972, Rocky Marciano (49-0, 43 KOs) ends his 10-year retirement in an attempt to capture his 50th career victory. The 42-year-old former world heavyweight champion suffers a third round knockout loss to Randall “Tex” Cobb at The Sportatorium in Dallas, Texas. Marciano’s boxing career would officially come to an end six years later when he finally captures his elusive 50th victory, retiring with a record of 50 wins and 167 losses.

Boxing Year In Review 2018

FightClubWriter.com | December 28, 2018

Boxing provided us with many significant events. There have been exciting fights, boring fights, and your run-of-the-mill controversial fights. FightClubWriter looks back at the most outrageous moments of 2018.

January 10:

Ahead of his February 17 welterweight fight versus Danny Garcia, Brandon Rios says he’s out to prove he’s not a washed-up punching bag.

February 17:

Danny Garcia scores a crushing 9th round TKO against Brandon Rios.

March 5:

Canelo Alvarez selects the filet mignon entree instead of a shrimp cocktail at his favorite Guadalajara restaurant El Sacromonte. A decision he will immediately come to regret.

April 3:

Canelo Alvarez is suspended by the Nevada State Athletic Commission for two failed drug tests. Alvarez tested positive for the banned substance clenbuterol. An embarrassed Alvarez said tainted beef was the culprit behind his positive drug tests. The May 5 middleweight championship rematch against Gennady Golovokin was postponed.

May 18:

Gary Russell Jr. says he’ll be disappointed with himself if Joseph Diaz Jr. goes the distance in their 12-round featherweight title fight.

May 19:

Joseph Diaz Jr. goes the distance against Gary Russell Jr. A downtrodden Russell retains the WBC 126-pound championship with a 12-round unanimous decision victory.

May 24:

President Donald Trump posthumously pardons the first black heavyweight champion Jack Johnson for a 1913 conviction. Johnson was convicted of violating the Mann Act which made it illegal to transport white women across state lines “for the purpose of prostitution or debauchery or for any other immoral purpose.” Hours before issuing the pardon, Trump said African American football players who kneel during the national anthem “maybe…shouldn’t be in the country.”

June 26:

Never too old to have a run-in with the law, 65-year-old Floyd Mayweather Sr. is found not guilty on a misdemeanor battery charge.

July 11:

An arrest warrant is issued for Victor Ortiz who violated the terms of his 2016 DUI probation case. This will be the least of his worries.

August 11:

Former world champion Mia St. John admits to using steroids during her 20-year professional career, but denies ever having breast augmentation surgery.

September 6:

Amir Khan declares “I have the biggest balls in the welterweight division!”

September 11:

Never forget the day Canelo Alvarez and Gennady Golovkin made their grand arrivals to Las Vegas in advance of their highly anticipated middleweight championship rematch.

September 26:

Victor Ortiz is arrested and charged with three felony sexual assault charges. Authorities issued the warrant for Ortiz after a months-long investigation. He’s fucked.

October 17:

Canelo Alvarez signs the richest contract in sports history with the streaming service DAZN. The 11-fight, five-year deal is worth a minimum of $365 million. DAZN narrowly outbid the Golden State Warriors for Canelo’s services.

December 8:

A tearful Jim Lampley is saddened to learn that HBO Boxing’s last boxing broadcast actually took place in 2009.

Warrior Poet Delivers The Heavyweight Flow

August 2, 2017

Do you suffer from menstrual cramps, backaches and bloating? Are your periods heavy and gross? Well you don’t have to suffer or worry anymore!

Anyone who has reluctantly consumed Torpedo Falls’ first two books, THE GODS OF BORE or ON THE CRAPPER, can attest to the psychological and physiological repercussions befallen on them.

HEAVYWEIGHT FLOW is the third and final treatment of this three-book series.

Reading Torpedo Falls latest pretentious work will drive you insane, but look at the bright side it will help you forget about your menstrual pain.

For a peaceful period, choose the best menstrual pain distraction around with HEAVYWEIGHT FLOW. You can get through your period easier with HEAVYWEIGHT FLOW as it targets a variety of symptoms.

HEAVYWEIGHT FLOW does not alleviate cramps, but intensifies a variety of ailments to help distract from the backaches, bloating and fatigue. And if you need help getting a restful night’s sleep, try Torpedo’s insomnia busting piece THE GODS OF BORE.

Men don’t forget menstrual pain can also cramp your style. Help your significant other remedy her pain by reading her passages of HEAVYWEIGHT FLOW.

In the days leading up to her period make her uncomfortable as can be by rattling her brain with Torpedo’s migraine inducing prose. Some of these menstrual pain distractions will increase irritability, but can help with that uncomfortable bloating. If the bloating does not subside perhaps give the constipation alleviating ON THE CRAPPER a try.

You’ll also find that the turgid verses on the pages of HEAVYWEIGHT FLOW will help with all of your feminine care needs.

You can use a full selection of feminine protection products, but with HEAVYWEIGHT FLOW the thick absorbent pages can offer you varying levels of protection that maxi pads, pantiliners and tampons don’t.

HEAVYWEIGHT FLOW (Turd Publishing, Paperback, 316 pages) can be found in the feminine product aisle and where fedora hats are sold.

Make those debilitating menstrual cramps go away. Become a world champ and order your copy of HEAVYWEIGHT FLOW today!

Warrior poet and Boxing revisionist Torpedo Falls is a member of the Saving Historical Information Team (SHIT), Preservation Of Organized Prizefighting (POOP), Coalition of Researchers for the Advancement of Pugilism (CRAP) and is a founding member of the Transcendental Universal Rankings Department (TURD). He was born and raised in Sleepy Hallow, New York.

The Circus Is Coming To Town


July 14, 2017

The Bang Bros. and Mayweather-McGregor Circus is bringing their act to a town near you!

Floyd Mayweather, “The Greatest Fighter on Earth,” says his traveling circus will be the greatest box office hit of the summer.

“This shit is big. This shit is gonna be good no matter what.”

Conor McGregor, The Fighting Pride of Ireland, says their traveling circus is unlike any circus in the world.

“Unlike other circus acts, we the performers are our own bosses. I cash promoter and performer checks.”

This summer tour will feature unique acts including The Infamous Dancing Monkey Troupe.

“Call it whatever you want,” McGregor said. “Me and Floyd is taking it to another level. It’s great entertainment.”

The headlining pair are scheduled to finish their circus tour at the T-Mobile Arena in Las Vegas, Nevada on August 26.

Tickets for The Bang Bros. and Mayweather-McGregor Circus are available at a local box office near you.


Trump Nominates Angel Garcia To Supreme Court

January 23, 2017

President Donald Trump nominates controversial boxing trainer Angel Garcia to be the nation’s 113th Supreme Court Justice on Monday.

Trump’s quick decision to nominate Angel Garcia to the country’s highest court comes as no surprise to political pundits and insiders.

Angel Garcia made headlines last week when he nearly started a brawl during a press conference kicking off the promotion for a welterweight championship fight between Keith Thurman and his son Danny Garcia.

When Angel Garcia stepped to the dais he unleashed a profanity laced tirade, dropping the N-word, homophobic epithets and anti-immigrant rhetoric.

The nomination to fill the vacancy was created by the February 13, 2016 death of Justice Antonin Scalia.

President Trump’s Sunday briefing included Garcia’s press conference comments. Impressed by Garcia’s vitriolic comments, Trump moved swiftly to nominate the boxing trainer.

“I have chosen a nominee who has the same beliefs as myself and my administration,” President Trump said in a formal Oval Office ceremony announcing the selection.

Flanked by Vice President Mike Pence and Chief of Staff Reince Priebus, Trump continued to praise his decision to nominate Garcia.

“Angel Garcia is a tremendous boxing trainer, tremendous, tremendous, just wonderful,okay, very good genes, his son is a magnificent boxer, magnificent world champion, he’s a winner, a winner, just like me. Angel Garcia will bring a spirit of decency, modesty and integrity to the Supreme Court, unlike any other Justice in the history of the Supreme Court. Believe me.”

An Open Letter From St. Nicholas

Written By Santa Claus
December 24, 2016

Ho, ho, ho! Santa may be a bit of a creeper, but jolly old Saint Nick isn’t a degenerate like you people from the Boxing world.

Santa’s elves have to shovel through a lot of shit throughout the year. Santa will share some of the ridiculous requests he receives up in the North Pole.

Tyson Fury you’re dreaming of a white Christmas. You want Santa to let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. Santa knows that’s code for the blow that goes up your nose. You insufferable doofus, you will be getting a bag full of dicks hung on your fireplace with care. Ho, ho, ho!

Now, now, Gennady Golovkin. You say you are good boy, but Santa knows you have been naughty. So wipe that shit eating grin off your face. Begging for a big fat HBO paycheck fighting punching bags may work with your promoter, but not with jolly old Saint Nick. You get a stocking full of coal and a Freddy Kruger sweater…again.

Little Adrien Broner you want Santa to bring you billions of dollars? I see that you are on the bad boys list. Santa doesn’t reward jail birds. You get a bucket full of piss!

Sweet little boys get Christmas gifts aplenty. Manny Pacquiao you are a little long in the tooth. No, Santa will not bring you vials from the “fountain of youth.”

Ah, Bob Arum. You money grubbing grinch. You write to Santa every year asking for the same fucking shit. The answer is no Bob. You can not have a swimming pool full of gold coins and precious jewels. Just to show you that Kris Kringle isn’t a big red prick, Santa is going to leave a “I’d Rather Be Hiking” license plate frame holder. Ho! Fucking ho! Ho! Hooooo!

As for all you boxing fans out there. Santa gets all your letters asking for GGG versus Canelo, Mayweather coming out of retirement to lose a fight and for Al Haymon to die a terrible, miserable death. Santa shakes his damn head reading your letters. You little ungrateful fucks. This Christmas don’t expect much. Enjoy eating your HBO, Showtime, Golden Boy and Top Rank shit sandwiches. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night, Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho!





Gennady Golovkin Releases Debut Album


December 5, 2016

Unified middleweight champion Gennady Golovkin has been working on his debut studio album for the better part of two years.

Golovkin has been splitting time pouring his heart and soul into his studio work and shedding blood, sweat and tears in the boxing ring.

And just in time for Hanukkah, Christmas and Kwanzaa, Golovkin releases “My Blood is Green, My Heart is Gold.”

The album includes the hit single “Circle jerk fantasies & fire patch gingers.”

Here is the “My Blood is Green, My Heart is Gold” track listing:

  1. “Who knows Eubank?”
  2. “Running from you”
  3. “I ain’t playin’ if you ain’t payin'”
  4. “Circle jerk fantasies & fire patch gingers”
  5. “36-0 with nowhere to go”
  6. “If no Canelo fight it’s not because of me”
  7. “Lowball and Duck”
  8. “Carl Froch is a clown who talks too much”
  9. “A-side cash”
  10. “The purse bid dash”

“My Blood is Green, My Heart is Gold” was released last Wednesday and it’s already a hit.

As of press time over 70 physical copies have already been sold in Golovkin’s native Kazakhstan, with eight-track cartridges accounting for 97 percent of the sales.

Local area Kazakmarts have been inundated with animated Golovkinites clamoring for the debut album.

Reports out of Kazakhstan say hundreds of people are dancing in the streets and celebrating the album’s release.

In Mexico, sales are brisk with over 9 copies sold.

Golovkin’s album is not currently available in the United States.

The album is expected to hit store shelves in six months when the dollar discount stores receive giant shipments of unused, discarded and overstock merchandise.