Woody’s Late-Nite Broner

Adrien-Broner1

WoodyBy Mikey “Woody” Woods
November 1, 2013

I’m not much of a porn guy anymore and there’s one reason for that. My wife. She decided early on in our marriage that I could no longer watch pornographic films.

My collection of DVDs went into the garbage. The days of watching Shane Diesel’s Cuckold Stories, Dreamy & Creamy or 9th Street Latinas Vol.43 were over.

To This Man it’s something that was completely traumatic. But it’s not a choice I regret. It was a deal breaker for my wife, but a Man’s gotta do what a Man’s gotta do.

You see being a Big-Time boxing writer has its many perks. And one of those perks happened to come across my computer screen this week.

Everybody’s ¬†favorite welterweight champion Adrien Broner leaked a video clip of himself having unprotected sex with two nasty-ass hoes.

Since Adrien Broner is a boxer, watching his homemade sex tape will be in the sacred name of boxing. And what’s the best way to communicate my first pornographic viewing experience in years than by sharing it with my loyal readers?

Here’s a running timeline to give you a sense of my viewing experience:

Wednesday 11 PM ET: Everybody is in bed and sound asleep. The wife thinks I’m writing a piece about the Floyd Mayweather-Bernard Hopkins dream fight.

11:01 PM ET: I turn on my laptop and head for the bathroom.

11:03 PM ET: I grab a roll of toilet paper, lotion, Vicks vapor rub and head back to my computer.

11:04 PM ET: I open up my browser and type in the URL to the World Star Hip Hop website.

11:05 PM ET: I find the Adrien Broner sex clip. I’m about to click on it when I hear a noise in the hallway.

11:06 PM ET: I immediately open up a new tab and logon to my Twitter account.

11:08 PM ET: After responding to a few of Dan Rafael’s pompous tweets, I head on over to my bedroom to check on the wife.

11:10 PM ET: I peek through the door and she’s not in bed.

11:11 PM ET: I sneak down the hallway and stand next to the bathroom door.

11:14 PM ET: The light is on, but I can’t hear any noises.

11:15 PM ET: What the hell is she doing? It doesn’t sound like she’s taking a shit.

11:16 PM ET: After standing there like an idiot for what seemed like an eternity I decided to go grab myself a diet Coke from the fridge.

11:18 PM ET: Okay, she should be back in bed by now.

11:19 PM ET: I head back to the bathroom. The light is off, she’s back in bed. Yes! Time to head back to the computer.

11:20 PM ET: I crack open my diet Coke and take a swig. Oh Yeah!

11:20 PM ET: Ah fuck! My wife is watching the Adrien Broner sex clip!

11:20 PM ET: She just turned around and gave me a dirty look.

11:21-11:30 PM ET: I can’t remember what happened during this time.

11:31 PM ET: I found myself laying down on the couch with a brain numbing headache. This is going to be a long fucking night…