An Open Letter From St. Nicholas

Written By Santa Claus
December 24, 2016

Ho, ho, ho! Santa may be a bit of a creeper, but jolly old Saint Nick isn’t a degenerate like you people from the Boxing world.

Santa’s elves have to shovel through a lot of shit throughout the year. Santa will share some of the ridiculous requests he receives up in the North Pole.

Tyson Fury you’re dreaming of a white Christmas. You want Santa to let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. Santa knows that’s code for the blow that goes up your nose. You insufferable doofus, you will be getting a bag full of dicks hung on your fireplace with care. Ho, ho, ho!

Now, now, Gennady Golovkin. You say you are good boy, but Santa knows you have been naughty. So wipe that shit eating grin off your face. Begging for a big fat HBO paycheck fighting punching bags may work with your promoter, but not with jolly old Saint Nick. You get a stocking full of coal and a Freddy Kruger sweater…again.

Little Adrien Broner you want Santa to bring you billions of dollars? I see that you are on the bad boys list. Santa doesn’t reward jail birds. You get a bucket full of piss!

Sweet little boys get Christmas gifts aplenty. Manny Pacquiao you are a little long in the tooth. No, Santa will not bring you vials from the “fountain of youth.”

Ah, Bob Arum. You money grubbing grinch. You write to Santa every year asking for the same fucking shit. The answer is no Bob. You can not have a swimming pool full of gold coins and precious jewels. Just to show you that Kris Kringle isn’t a big red prick, Santa is going to leave a “I’d Rather Be Hiking” license plate frame holder. Ho! Fucking ho! Ho! Hooooo!

As for all you boxing fans out there. Santa gets all your letters asking for GGG versus Canelo, Mayweather coming out of retirement to lose a fight and for Al Haymon to die a terrible, miserable death. Santa shakes his damn head reading your letters. You little ungrateful fucks. This Christmas don’t expect much. Enjoy eating your HBO, Showtime, Golden Boy and Top Rank shit sandwiches. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night, Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho!