September 2, 2014
Convicted drug dealer and performance enhancing scientist Victor Conte has developed a groundbreaking new drug that may change the world as we know it.
The unnamed drug will allow a person to change genders without the traumatic effects of undergoing an invasive operation.
“The changes happen rapidly and there is no pain involved,” said Conte.
“Men will begin to see changes when their testicles magically transform into meat flaps. For women, the clitoris will blossom into a two inch penis.”
“But don’t worry,” Conte added, “I have another pill to make it much bigger than that.”
Conte inadvertently created the life altering drug while working on a nutritional anti-constipation supplement for his boxing clientele.
Inspired by boxing promoter Frank Maloney’s decision to undergo a sex change operation to live life as a woman, Conte decided to mass produce and distribute his latest creation.
Although this remarkable new drug is still in the testing stages, Conte is excited by the results he has seen on his test subjects.
One of Conte’s original test patients is fitness-enthusiast Evan Fields. Now living as Holly Fields, the 49-year-old Atlanta native has made the transition from male to female with Conte’s sex change drug.
“I was born in the wrong body. What was wrong at birth is now being corrected chemically,” said Holly Fields.
Conte believes his sex change drug will hit the market within the next six months, but first the product needs a catchy new name.
“The scientific name is methandrofrankensteinstallone, but I like to keep things plain and simple,” he said. “You know one word names like the Cream or the Clear.”