Commemorative Ringside Media Credentials On Sale Now!

Look closely at history in the making!


This is a limited edition Mayweather-Pacquiao media credential that was used on that fateful day, May 2, 2015.
May 18, 2015

Time is running out to secure the biggest collector items from the Fight of the Century! The first-ever series of media credentials commemorating the epic showdown between undefeated pound-for-pound king Floyd Mayweather and Philippine congressman and recording artist Manny Pacquiao.

Who said boxing was dead? Boxing is alive and well!

After five years of speculation and anticipation, Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao stepped into the ring to do battle on May 2, 2015. It has now been more than two weeks since that fateful Saturday night when our lives changed forever.

But the memory is so vivid, it seems like it happened…two weeks ago.

Now, exclusively available on you can purchase the limited edition Mayweather-Pacquiao Commemorative Collector Media Credentials. Gloriously laminated and tied to a piece of string the Mayweather-Pacquiao media credential is a dazzling commemoration of a historic and monumental boxing event.

This commemorative collectable is in high demand, so don’t wait. Order now and choose from four unique and exclusive packages:

  • The Hauser Fudge Pack includes a sequin lanyard, media credential, Preparation H and a six-pack of fudge brownies
  • The Dining & Whining Fun Pack features one complimentary ticket to a PBC on Spike TV fight card, a “I Love Al Haymon” t-shirt and a free drink coupon with the purchase of a double western bacon cheeseburger at your local participating Hardee’s (media credential not included)
  • Mr. Kim’s Tailgate Pack features a media credential, a red solo cup and one free consultation to the “DUI Attorneys”
  • The Warrior Poet Travel Pack includes a media credential stylishly tucked into a fedora, one canceled plane ticket from Boston to Las Vegas and one complimentary copy of the GODS OF BORE

Secure your collection before it’s too late! If you’re a fan of the sweet science, an aspiring warrior poet or just want to pretend to be a boxing journalist this is a great time to join in on the fun! So, don’t miss out!

ACT NOW to ensure you DON’T MISS OUT on an opportunity of a LIFETIME. Acquire this important collection of never-circulated media credentials.

Don’t miss this once-in-a-lifetime boxing collection. The official Mayweather-Pacquiao Commemorative Ringside Media Credential. Don’t let this historic opportunity slip away. ORDER TODAY!

Mayweather vs. Pacquiao Bombs At The Box Office

May 13, 2015

The epic encounter between living legends Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao now ranks as the biggest pay-per-view flop of all-time.

According to preliminary reports from broadcast distributors, approximately 318 million people living in the United States failed to purchase the most expensive fight in boxing history. The so-called match of the century failed to earn an estimated $32 billion in domestic pay-per-view buys.

HBO, Showtime, Mayweather Promotions and Top Rank held a press conference Tuesday regarding the pay-per-view buy rates.

The man in charge of Manny Pacquiao’s spit bucket Buboy Fernandez read a statement on behalf of HBO and Top Rank.

“We put egos aside and money on the line to form one of the greatest boxing alliances in history. With a $250 million budget we fell way short of our goals and estimated revenues,” said a dejected Fernandez.

Al Haymon’s stunt double Sam Watson read the Showtime/Mayweather Promotions statement.

“As promoters and broadcast distributors we did our best to entertain the fans. On May 2 we failed the world. No amount of intelligence, talent or heart could save us now. Our respective companies are royally fucked,” Watson said.

Not only was the welterweight world championship unification bout a domestic failure, it set the record for international distribution futility. A whopping 25 percent of the world’s territories were unable to watch Mayweather decision Pacquiao over 12 snooze inducing rounds.

Additionally, Mayweather vs. Pacquiao dramatically eclipsed the record for the fewest number of media credential requests in boxing history. The May 2 promotion was contacted by various boxing blogs, internet podcasts and self-published authors asking not to be invited to The Fight of the Century.

History Has Been Made! Mayweather Defeats Pacquiao

Mayweather defeats Pacquiao

GorillaBy Gorilla Monsoon
At Ringside
May 2, 2015

LAS VEGAS — History has been made here at the Mecca of professional boxing, the MGM Grand Garden Arena where 16,507 spectators were literally hanging off the rafters.

This fight of the century was beyond boxing ability, it was guts personified. It was the irresistible force meeting the immovable object. Champion against champion. Title for title.

Pandemonium was running wild, you could cut it with a knife. When both combatants finally stepped into the ring the Garden just literally exploded!

It was Excedrin number five for Manny Pacquiao as he got his clocked cleaned by Floyd Mayweather.

In the fourth round, Pacquiao was laying it in with the heavy artillery as a hard straight left hand sent Mayweather into the ropes. The place went strictly bananas as Pacquiao then unloaded numerous punches.

However, Mayweather literally shook his head to indicate he was not hurt, but then took a right hook to the kisser. He also shook off many of Pacquiao’s punches to the bread basket, solar plexus and external occipital protuberance.

Mayweather controlled most of the fight with his straight right hand, and it was a beauty!

In the end, a miscarriage of justice took place as Mayweather’s virtuoso performance won the hearts of everyone.

Mayweather-Pacquiao To Fight For Historical Championship Belt

March 23, 2015

Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao better like cardboard because the Transnational Boxing Rankings Board commissioned a special, one-of-a-kind, limited edition championship belt for the heavily hyped May 2 mega fight.

The TBRB hopes to present the winner with an exquisite cardboard championship belt in the MGM Grand parking lot.

Described as an “elegant masterpiece,” the handcrafted cardboard trinket was designed to recognize the “true King of the welterweight division.”

“We spared no expense in creating this very special world welterweight championship belt,” said a TBRB spokesman.

Members of the TBRB were seen dumpster diving in Boston, New York and Washington D.C. in search of high quality cardboard.

“For this unprecedented historical event we would have liked to decorate the belt with aluminum foil and colored markers. Maybe even bedazzled it a bit, but cardboard and some paper strips will have to do,” said the spokesman.

The three-man circle jerk representing 44-board members and one netherworld fabricate imaginary title lineages by recognizing the man who beat the man who they proclaimed to be the man through an imperious and secretive rankings system.

Catch A Snore With The Gods Of Bore


Gods of Bore_
March 16, 2015

Warrior poet and boxing revisionist Torpedo Falls is pleased to announce the release of his new self-published book, THE GODS OF BORE. Insomniacs are invited to experience what it’s like to sleep by reading what has been described as “masturbatory historical fiction.”

Sleep sufferers are in for a treat when the stodgy warrior poetry leaps off the pages to punch them into unconsciousness.

Included in the book is Torpedo’s attempt to treat insomnia with sedative-laced prose. Be warned THE GODS OF BORE should be used as directed and is NOT for those who obtain adequate sleep. Consult a doctor before reading.

Torpedo Falls has turned boxing writing into the drizzling shits. If Torpedo’s penmanship doesn’t send you onto Queer Street, it will most certainly make you jump through a god-damn window.

The Gods of Bore (Turd Publishing, paperback, 948 pages) is now available where sleep aid products are sold.

Torpedo Falls is a member of the Saving Historical Information Team (SHIT), Preservation Of Organized Prizefighting (POOP), Coalition of Researchers for the Advancement of Pugilism (CRAP) and is a founding member of the Transcendental Universal Rankings Department (TURD). He was born and raised in Sleepy Hallow, New York.

Floyd Mayweather And Manny Pacquiao Wax Figures Unveiled

March 12, 2015

LOS ANGELES — Madame Tussauds Wax Museum immortalizes two of boxing’s all-time pound-for-pound greats at an unveiling ceremony on Wednesday.

Fans of Floyd Mayweather Jr. and Manny Pacquiao will now be able to catch an up-close and personal glimpse of the two best fighters in the world.

Mayweather’s figure is featured in a Van Heusen winkle-free button-down dress shirt with matching Van Heusen no-iron dress pants and sports coat.

Pacquiao is featured in an elegantly attired suit from the world renowned 3 Day Suit Outlet.

In an effort to promote a May 2 pay-per-view extravaganza between Mayweather and Pacquiao the museum is displaying the wax figures in Hollywood, Las Vegas and New York.

Mayweather and Pacquiao join the likes of President Richard Nixon, Lance Armstrong, Barry Bonds and O.J. Simpson, all whom have wax figures at Madame Tussauds.

Bob Arum Cock-Blocks Stepson
February 12, 2015

Bob ArumTop Rank CEO Bob Arum utterly destroyed his stepson’s chances at getting some sweet juicy pussy last night.

According to a source with knowledge of the situation, Top Rank President Todd duBoef was in the process of fingerbanging his wife when he received an urgent phone call from Arum.

“Talk about killing the mood,” said the exasperated anonymous source.

“One minute you are writhing in pleasure with fingers sliding in and out of your slick pussy and the next you’re dryer than the Nevada desert.”

The 83-year-old promoter may be cracking under the pressure of putting a historic and lucrative fight together.

Arum called duBoef to blow off some steam regarding the possible mega-fight between his fighter Manny Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather.

“Nobody’s listening to anybody. I’ve negotiated for 50 years and I’ve never been through shit like this,” Arum said during the late-night phone call.

According to the anonymous source, ongoing negotiations between both sides have stalled thanks to Arum’s attempts at derailing what could be the richest fight in boxing history.

“The old fuck is the cock-block king. He does it morning, noon and night.”

“Maybe Todd should take him out for a hike if anyone ever wants to get fucked around here.”

NFL Suspends Floyd Mayweather For Having Deflated Balls
January 26, 2015

Mayweather cryingThe National Football League suspends welterweight world champion Floyd Mayweather Jr. for possessing deflated balls.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell sent a hand written letter to Mayweather, stating the pound-for-pound king’s cowardly avoidance of Manny Pacquiao is behavior unbecoming of a world champion.

“The conduct reflected in your avoidance of Manny Pacquiao is inexcusable,” Goodell wrote.

“It is my responsibility as NFL commissioner to suspend you indefinitely for having deflated balls.”

Goodell also sent a scathing letter to Manny Pacquiao’s promoter Bob Arum.

“I strongly suspect you and your associates at Top Rank Boxing share the same traits as Mr. Mayweather. Having testicles the size of fruit flies will not be tolerated,” Goodell wrote.

“I despise your masquerade, the dishonest way you pose yourself. You and your whole fucking company,” he added.

“I will not hesitate to impose discipline on motherfuckers violating my rules. Let’s make sure that 2015 is the year we finally see Mayweather versus Pacquiao.”

Al Haymon Drops Major Bombshell
January 23,2015

AlHaymonSANTA MONICA, Calif. — Reclusive manager/advisor Al Haymon makes a shocking revelation during a rare public appearance on Thursday.

Just one week after announcing the return of boxing to primetime network television, Haymon revealed – what many in the boxing industry have speculated to be true for quite sometime – that he is indeed a horse.

Copies of his birth certificate were issued at a press conference announcing a television deal with cable network Spike TV. Haymon had previously announced a deal to present his “Premier Boxing Champions” series on NBC.

According to veterinary records obtained by Thoroughbred Racing Digest, Haymon is classified as a gelding and his birth certificate reveals that he was sired by 1948 Triple Crown winner Citation.

“The cat is out of the bag,” said Haymon. “I am a horse, of course.”

The de facto promoter also revealed what many boxing observers have known for years, that his star client Floyd Mayweather Jr. was procreated by a horse’s ass.

Submissions Now Being Accepted For BWAA Writing Contest


BWAA Awards
January 16, 2015

Fellow members of the BWAA,

It’s that time of year again, which means you should break out your hand lotion and assemble your entries for the annual BWAA circle jerk writing contest. Don’t forget to mail me your nude selfies submissions from the period of January 1 through December 31, 2014.

I appreciate everyone who sends in their submissions in a timely fashion, unlike some of you who wait until the last minute.

Also, the contest is open to MEMBERS only! The contest, after all, is conducted for the BWAA, of the BWAA, by the BWAA.

The BWAA Writing Contest is about recognizing excellence in yellow and checkbook boxing journalism.

The categories are as follows:

CATEGORY A: Press Releases. That would be coverage promoting fighters, fight cards or other newsworthy events. For example, you call your fellow BWAA brothers on behalf of a promoter and invite them to intimate press conferences.

CATEGORY A: Column. Columns are usually opinion pieces, in which you let readers know your biased viewpoint on a particular topic. It isn’t a column just because your head shot runs in the story. If that was the case, all your postings from Facebook and Twitter would be eligible for this award.

CATEGORY B: News Story. This award category is for breaking-news coverage only. That might include the domestic violence arrest of a noted BWAA awards winner, or erroneously reporting a fighter’s failed drug test.

CATEGORY C: Feature, (Thomas Hauser Free Category). Exactly what it says it is, a feature, written in less than 1,500 words. A feature is not a gossip column made up of blind items and unsubstantiated rumors.

CATEGORY D: Feature, (Thomas Hauser Category). Same as the previous category. Except this runs more to lengthier stuff, as in over 50,000 words, contains unsourced quotes, innuendo and is open only to Thomas Hauser.

This important and prestigious writing contest is really what boxing journalism is all about. So if we allowed you into our little boy’s club, paid your annual $40 fee and have something worthy to enter, please do so now.

From Your Esteemed Awards Chairman,
Bernard Fernandez