Mar 172014
 

FightClubWriter.com
March 17, 2014

Clubber Lang WWE Hall of FameSTAMFORD, Conn. – Former world heavyweight champion Clubber Lang will be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame at a ceremony on April 5 in New Orleans.

WWE Chairman Vince McMahon made the announcement at a press conference on Monday.

“WWE is honored to have Clubber Lang join the WWE Hall of Fame,” said McMahon before being interrupted by the intense former champion.

“Shut up, Old Man! You don’t know what I had to come from! Why don’t you tell all these nice folks why it took you so long to induct me? Politics, man,” exclaimed Lang.

Known as one of the most iconic champions in boxing history, Lang defeated Hall of Famer Rocky Balboa for the heavyweight championship in 1982. In addition to his boxing career, Lang also made many memorable WWE appearances in the mid-1980s as a gold chain wearing tough-guy named Mr.T.

Lang traded in his boxing trunks for wrestling tights in 1985 when he successfully teamed with Hulk Hogan to defeat “Rowdy” Roddy Piper and “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff in the main event of the inaugural WrestleMania at Madison Square Garden. The ruthless slugger from Chicago defeated “Rowdy” Roddy Piper by disqualification in a boxing match at WrestleMania 2.

Clubber Lang joins 2012 inductee “Iron” Mike Tyson as the second former world heavyweight champion to enter the WWE Hall of Fame.

Mar 102014
 

Angulo cavemanFightClubWriter.com
March 10, 2014

LAS VEGAS — Alfredo Angulo fails a post-fight DNA test following his one-sided TKO loss to Canelo Alvarez on Saturday.

Angulo tested positive for the Neanderthal gene, most commonly known as caveman DNA.

Neanderthals were a group of primitive humans who lived over 750,000 years ago.

They are classified as homo neanderthalensis and are believed to have gone extinct approximately 50,000 years ago.

The average homo neanderthalensis-to-homo sapien ratio is 0:1. Angulo’s test results were a whopping 15:1.

Angulo adamantly denies having the Neanderthal gene or receiving it from his controversial strength and conditioning coach Victor Conte.

The former convicted drug dealer, who provides Angulo with performance enhancing supplements and training products says he had nothing to do with the failed test results.

“I have fathered many children, but Alfredo is not one of them,” said Conte. “All of my donations were deposited at the Bay Area Spank Bank Laboratory.”

Angulo is also questioning the results and collection procedures of his failed DNA test which was administered by the Nevada State Athletic Commission.

“The Q-tip they used to swab the DNA from my mouth was dirty,” Angulo said through an interpreter. “I used that Q-tip to clean my ears before the fight started.”

Nevada State Athletic Commission officials say administering the test is straightforward and 100% accurate.

“The DNA test results are foolproof,” said NSAC chief ringside physician Dr. Emmet Brown. “As for administering the test, it’s so easy a caveman can do it.”

Mar 072014
 

Canelo vs Angulo16x9

Enter now for a chance to win a Canelo vs. Angulo grand prize package!

FightClubWriter.com
March 7, 2014

FightClubWriter.com will be giving away a historic Canelo Alvarez-Alfredo Angulo grand prize fan pack from the participants of tomorrow night’s Showtime pay-per-view broadcast.

In the main event, Saul “Canelo” Alvarez (42-1-1, 30 KOs) goes toe-to-toe with Alfredo Angulo (22-3, 18 KOs) in a 12-round junior middleweight attraction. On the undercard, IBF junior middleweight champion Carlos Molina (22-5-2, 6 KOs) defends his title against Jermall Charlo (17-0, 13 KOs).

To enter the contest just type the promotional code “www.fightclubwriter.com” into your web browser to win the grand prize sweepstakes. Enter daily to win.

The grand prize winner receives Canelo’s freshly cut toenail clippings, which is destined to become a collector’s item.

You will take a midnight guided stealth tour of the Mexico-United States border with your personal tour guide Alfredo “El Coyote” Angulo. Dark clothes and a durable pair of shoes are recommended for this exhilarating trip through the inhospitable Mexican desert. (Additional guests are welcome for a nominal fee)

Upon completing your personal tour with Alfredo, you will accompany IBF junior middleweight champion Carlos Molina to McDonald’s where you will enjoy a Happy Meal dinner for two. Once dinner is complete, you will take a late night drive to a romantic and secluded Lover’s Lane getaway.

No purchase necessary. Few will enter, only none will win. The contest is open to legal residents of Mexico. U.S. residents are not eligible to win the contest. You must be 13 years of age or older to enter. Persons under the age of 18 must be accompanied by an adult when going out with Carlos Molina.

Don’t forget to watch Showtime’s Canelo vs. Angulo pay-per-view on an illegal internet stream near you!

Mar 052014
 

Washington Monument

By Dudley “KO” Marsh
March 5, 2014

One of the cool treats that come with being a boxing writer is covering the fights in person and hanging around with all my boxing writer buddies. It’s especially awesome when I can bring my wife, Midge, along and do my job in another city, especially when we can stay in the apartment of someone swell like King Blogger Jim Sparx of TURD (The Transcendental Universal Rankings Department).

The incidents in this travelogue are from a few weeks ago, but the story was too awesome NOT to share with my public.

Thursday

10:00 AM– We board the flight that will take us from our cozy suburban cottage to the big city. Midge accidentally gets a whiff of a roast beef sandwich carried by the person in front of us and enters into a fit of nausea and random panic attacks that lasts through the weekend. My Midge is a very delicate flower. I purchase the sandwich from our plane-mate for fifty bucks so I can make sure it does my Midge no more harm. I dispose of it properly in the restroom, then rush back to hold Midge’s hand and hold a cold compress up against her temples with the other hand for the remainder of the flight.

12:30 PM—We arrive, grab our luggage, and make our way to the street to find Mr. Sparx’s lovely apartment. Midge is still reeling from her ordeal on the plane, so we decide to stay the night at the airport hotel, where she can rest. Poor thing.

4:37 PM—Midge suggests that we leave the hotel and go to Mr. Sparx’s place. After all, he’s waiting for us. She is such a people-pleaser! I’m out 250 bucks for the last-minute booking and the room we only used for four hours. Oh, and she drank half of a five dollar Diet Coke from the mini bar and ordered a movie she never got around to watching. I’m sure the nice folks at the hotel will credit my account.

6:10 PM—The delightful Mr. Sparx receives us with open arms. We spend the rest of the evening complimenting him as he tells us about all the awesome things his media friends have said about his site. Did you know that the New York Times once referred to one of his articles as a “good read?” Crazy!

Friday

12:35 AM— Sparx is turning out to be an awesome host. When I was supposed to be asleep, I saw him take Midge into the bathroom, probably to administer some sort of big city cure for her nausea. So as not to wake me, he even closed the door behind them. I heard Midge putting up a bit of a fuss, but I figured she was in good hands and I snuggled up with my pillow with a big smile on my face and had happy dreams.

10:00 AM—After a delicious breakfast at a local eatery called IHOP, Midge and I went with Mr. Sparx on a guided tour of his city while he shared some more awesome things said about him and his site by other bloggers. Did you know that Sports Illustrated once referred to his blog as “solid?”

3:00 PM—The three of us rushed over to the weigh-ins for the next day’s fights. I interviewed the guys and my Midge took their pictures. Mr. Sparx ran over to greet some of his boxing media Twitter pals and show them a screen cap on his iPad of what The New Yorker had recently said about his blog.

5:30 PM—These things always get so crazy. With all the people moving about, I lost track of Midge for a good hour and a half. Luckily, I found her coming out of the restroom. She must’ve been taking photos for my big report because five of the next evening’s fighters came out behind her, shirtless and sweaty—likely from doing some shadow boxing for Midge’s camera. The fighters were so nice, I even heard these young men offer to accompany Midge on a workout. “Let’s pull another train on you after the fights,” one Hispanic young man told her.

6:45 PM—Ran across that lovely elderly man, Bob Arum. He told me about some great fights that are in the works. It’s really nice to come across someone who exudes such an aura of honesty and integrity. Mr. Arum is well-deserving of the Hall of Fame honor bestowed upon him by the honorable ranks of the Boxing Writers Association of America.

7:10 PM—Midge and I met up with Mr. Sparx and a few of his writer pals, just as he was telling them about the article of his that was once referenced on ESPN.com. He said good-bye to his friends and made plans to meet up tomorrow at the fights.

9:35 PM—Back to the apartment. We watched a collection of screen caps chronicling every time Mr. Sparx’s face has appeared on national TV and ate veggie taco salads that Midge had insisted on buying at the corner market.

Saturday

1:04 AM—That sweet Mr. Sparx took Midge to the bathroom again, I guess just to make sure that everything was alright. How lucky am I to have a friend like this?

4:00 PM- 11:00 PM—Fights, Writing, Taking Pictures, Learning that Mr. Sparx’s blog was once described as “well-done” by The Village Voice.

11:15 PM—The three of us and three boxing writing brothers crammed ourselves into a compact car and went back to Mr. Sparx’s apartment. We were so tightly packed that, apparently, Midge was accidentally sitting on the hand of a swell guy from Fight News. But what a trooper Midge is—not one complaint throughout the entire 20-minute ride, even though you could tell the kind of pain she was in by her biting of lip and randomly squealed, “Ahhs.”

11:35 PM – 1:41 AM—The rest of the evening was spent around the dining room table, listening to Mr. Sparx’s tales of how he formed TURD and how his blog’s average reach of thirty-seven daily readers was pretty awesome because the RIGHT thirty-seven people were being reached. A nice fellow from Boxingscene went out and brought us snacks—something called “Slim Jims” that packed a heck of a punch and had my stomach spinning. In my five years married to Midge, all I’ve eaten is white rice, salad, and tapioca pudding. This spicy meat stick reminded me of the wild ride of 2011 when I took a bite of that slice of pizza and it nearly ruined me. Anywho, all of the excitement was a bit too much and Midge and I excused ourselves to hit the hay. We were due to board our plane at one in the afternoon and it was probably going to be a flight full of Midge’s unfortunate nausea and panic attacks.

Sunday

2:53 AM—Eager to make sure Midge would be alright for the return flight, Mr. Sparx and his three boxing writer buddies took her for one more bathroom treatment. I just shut my eyes tight, smiled broadly, and thought happy thoughts about all my new friends.

10:22 AM—Packing and trying to shake off the strangest, most off-putting dream I had last night. Midge and I were laying in bed and that nice fellow from Boxingscene was standing over me, nude from the waist down, doing unnatural, un-Christian things to himself while holding and sniffing my shoes. I was frozen with fear while he did this, similar to how I felt back in Boy Scouts when I had my “issues”. I finished packing my things and made sure nothing was left behind, still trying to shake off that creepy dream. Then we said our good-byes to the gracious Mr. Sparx. As a good-bye gift, he gave us a framed copy of the Time Magazine where his blog was mentioned as one of the Top 100 blogs on niche subjects in America.

9:37 PM—As expected, Midge had some discomfort on the plane trip back home. But aside from having to momentarily divert the flight to St. Louis because of her cockpit-rushing panic attack, all was well.

Back home, I took my usual writing spot on the dining room table, unpacked my laptop, and began telling this tale.

Awhile later, Midge brought me a big bowl of white rice with a glass of ice water on the side.

I couldn’t help but smile. Two years ago I was a nobody, now I’m one of THEM. A real boxing writer! I am now part of this wonderful brotherhood of honorable scribes. God Bless Us All!

Mar 042014
 

FightClubWriter.com
March 4, 2013

Antonio Tarver mugshotCLEARWATER, Fla. — Antonio Tarver was arrested by the Florida Highway Patrol for writing checks his ass can’t cash.

The former light heavyweight champion was held on $217,423.07 bail following his arrest on Saturday.

Florida State Trooper Frank Poncherello says the 45-year-old fighter was pulled over for a “minor” traffic violation and was subsequently taken into custody.

Las Vegas law enforcement officials issued a felony theft arrest warrant last June after Tarver tried to pay off a $2 million gambling debt with a fraudulent bad check at a Las Vegas casino.

Tarver’s professional career consists of 30 wins, six losses and one failed drug test. He is best known for defeating 67-year-old former heavyweight champion Rocky Balboa in 2006.

Mar 032014
 
Bart Barry1

“Bodacious” Bart Barry

FlavioBy Flavio Merriweather
March 3, 2014

Hey ladies and all you scrumptious gentlemans, welcome to boxing’s premier gossip and fashion column, Blow-By-Blow with me, Flavio Merriweather.

The fashion world was turned upside down by a boxing transnational man of letters.

If Liza Minnelli and Elton John had a love child, Bart Barry would be the wonderful DELICIOUS product of that fabulous duo.

I’ve never seen a boxing writer with such a flamboyant fashion style until I laid my pretty little eyes on Bart Barry. He seemed to channel his inner Johnny Weir in making such an extravagant fashion statement this weekend.

I don’t know if my eyes are deceiving me, but it seems as if Bart is wearing my personal favorite, Revlon Super Lustrous lip gloss. It gives his lips a plump silky gloss and glamorous colorful shine.

Anywho, he was FABULOUSLY dressed to the sixty-nines for a YouTube video interview during the Julio Cesar Chavez Jr.-Brian Vera weigh-in on Friday.

Bart Barry is proving to us that he is just plain FAB wearing his chic eyeglasses straight from The Elton John Collection. His Liza Minnelli inspired scarf is a fitting tribute to the 80’s and the glorious androgynous days of Prince and his Revolution band mates.

With such a saucy showing, Bart Barry has catapulted himself to the top of my pound-for-pound fashion list and if he’s not careful he will find himself on the top of something else, HEY!

Remember chicas and chiquititos, Blow-by-Blow with Flavio is your one stop spot for the juiciest boxing gossip, mmm ‘kay? And don’t forget to cast your vote in my latest Fashion Showdown poll.

Until next time my lovelies, stay fierce and keep it sexay!

FASHION SHOWDOWN

“Bodacious” Bart Barry vs. “Adorable” Adrian Adonis

Who Wore It Best

FASHION SHOWDOWN
Who Wore It Best?

Feb 242014
 

FightClubWriter.com
February 24, 2014

AtlasBeardESPN2 Friday Night Fights commentator Teddy Atlas has endorsed the Universal Beard Growers Association of Yesteryear by growing a beard of his own.

During last Friday’s telecast, Atlas revealed his fully grown beard and told his viewers to demonstrate their support for the newly formed organization by growing a beard and “friending” them on Facebook and Twitter.

The Universal Beard Growers Association of Yesteryear (UBGAY) was formed to encourage friendship among those with beards and to continue where the Beard Club for Men “left off” in the aftermath of its purchase by Gillette Razors.

“UBGAY is a great place for the world’s best growers and showers to display their facial hair for the world to see,” exclaimed Atlas.

“This isn’t some boys club where a bunch of clean shaven twinkle toes meet to sissy slap at each other’s smooth skin,” he added.

Atlas says UBGAY simply wants to be an alternative for beard growers who yearn for the days when beard growing wasn’t a fashion statement, but a sign of full manhood.

“This is a throwback to a bygone era, where you hide from the women, smoke cigars and stroke each other’s beards. You know, a manly man’s club, where real men wear beards!”

“That’s why I got behind them,” said an animated Atlas.

When asked why he didn’t endorse the Beard Club for Men Atlas said, “They were grabbing for the short straws. I don’t want to grab at straws. I want to get behind something and reach for the short hairs.”

Feb 182014
 

FightClubWriter.com
February 18, 2014

Floyd WWEFloyd “Money” Mayweather officially kicked-off the “Road to WrestleMania” when he returned to Monday Night Raw at the Pepsi Center in Denver last night.

Boxing’s pound-for-pound champion entered the ring and unveiled his plans for WrestleMania 30.

Mayweather told the sold out crowd that he wants to extend his unprecedented and undefeated WrestleMania streak to 2-0.

“Money” Mayweather has had several rumored opponents for WrestleMania 30, but he quickly put those rumors to rest by challenging a former world wrestling champion.

Surrounded by 12 “Money Team” members, Mayweather challenged retired 48-year-old Mark Calloway to a steel cage match at the WWE’s biggest wrestling event of the year.

Mayweather started what the WWE Universe likes to call ‘The Streak’ by defeating the Big Show at WrestleMania 24. It is not known if Calloway is willing to return from his retirement to end Mayweather’s epic WrestleMania streak.

A source close to the situation, who asked to remain anonymous, says the WWE is planning on naming the Undertaker as special guest referee for Mayweather’s WrestleMania match.

Feb 132014
 

Stag at Sharkeys

An Interview With The Chairman Of Boxing’s Newest And Best Rankings Board

By Dudley “KO” Marsh
February 13, 2014

What better way to help the wayward world of professional boxing than by employing the accumulated brain power of its totally awesome bloggers!

Arriving upon the scene to deliver a thick beef injection of order into the soft backside of the boxing damsel in distress is the Transcendental Universal Rankings Department (TURD), an organization made up of the best and bravest boxing minds ever to pay the $9.99 hosting fee for a WordPress blog.

Chairman Jim Sparx of this honorable society was kind enough to get off Twitter for a few minutes to answer some questions about this expert crew of boxing saviors.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I am a full member of TURD and the organization’s treasurer. I also let members totally crash in my bachelor pad and drink my Sunny D when they’re in town covering a fight.

Marsh: So, Jim, I’ll get right to the point. What makes us so awesome?

Sparx: Well, we’re the product of a generation of boxing experts, fully educated by TV and, frankly, ticked off that the real boxing world hadn’t paid us the proper amount of attention. So, we banded together in an effort to impose our whims on the sport.

Marsh: Tremendous! Tell us about the board of experts and the actual ranking process.

Sparx: As you know, buddy, our 40+ members come from all over the globe and were hand-selected from our list of Twitter followers. We welcome members from every website, country, and philosophical leaning…as long as they agree to agree with us unconditionally, show proper deference to me, and keep quiet about what actually happens behind the scenes.

As for the ranking process, well, this is how it works. During my lunch break at my real job I scribble down my rankings and post them to our private, members-only message board. Then, our mostly non-participatory board is allowed to voice their opinions on my wonderful rankings.

They have a full 25-30 minutes to comment before I stamp them with the TURD seal of approval and post them online as boxing’s only REAL world rankings. On the very rare occasion that there’s some sort of disagreement, I wait a full hour, hear all sides of the discussion, and then go ahead and post them anyway.

Marsh: What about the detractors who say that your rankings are really only the product of like two or three people, at most, and that you’ve misled the public into thinking they were actual rankings compiled by 40+ different experts?

Sparx: We don’t pay the critics any mind. If anyone has issues with our rankings, I’m happy to sit down with them and explain how they’re wrong and how we won’t change a damn thing or let them look behind our curtains.

As long as our board members keep singing our praise and posting our press releases on their websites, the general public will never know that this whole thing is, basically, just the product of my own fertile mind.

In my defense, though, I’m such an expert that what I jot down in thirty minutes or so is completely worthy of blind support by the masses.

Marsh: And why keep the ranking process secret?

Sparx: The fans and boxers don’t need to know just to what degree this is a one-man show. They’re better off just following blindly and letting me do the thinking. Plus, we don’t want to embarrass the 80% of our membership that never even logs in to their account.

Marsh: What’s in the future for TURD?

Sparx: Title belts, sanctioning fees, solid gold pinky rings, and an escape from my day job! We’d also like to eventually find an African American member and someone from Latin America and Asia who can help us understand what the hell is happening below 126 lbs.

Marsh: Tremendous! Any final words for the fans out there?

Sparx: Yes. To prove that TURD is completely transparent in all of its dealings, I’d like to issue the following corrections to last month’s rankings:

We would like to apologize for ranking Riyo Togo #5 in the super flyweight division. Upon further review, she is a female. Similarly, Khao Man Kai has been dropped from his #9 spot in our flyweight rankings due to the fact that he is, actually, a spicy Thai chicken dish rather than an actual human being.

And before we finish, I want to issue a special thanks to those fans and clueless members of the media who have rubber stamped TURD without bothering to look into anything we’re doing. It’s because of you that we have something totally awesome to put on our business cards.

Feb 112014
 

Mayweather-McD-KFC

FightClubWriter.com
February 11, 2014

Floyd Mayweather Jr. continues to keep the boxing world guessing about what he will be having for dinner later this evening.

The 37-year-old pound-for-pound great is known to make shrewd decisions when choosing his late night dinner. However sources with knowledge of the situation say he is torn between his two favorite fast food chains.

Not much is known about Mayweather’s latest cravings. What is known is Mayweather will have a private one-on-one dinner with his personal assistant Leonard Ellerbe.

The five-division world champion asked his fans for some help in choosing his next meal.

“I’m going to let the fans vote,” said Mayweather. “Tell me what I should eat next McDonald’s or KFC?”

A poll has been set up at Mayweather’s official website where fans may select McDonald’s, KFC or submit a write-in vote.

As of press time, 32,000 votes have been cast. McDonald’s is in the lead with 56 percent of the vote. KFC has received 43 percent.

One write-in vote urged Mayweather to “eat a big fat dick.” An anonymous source says the write-in vote was traced back to Leonard Ellerbe’s IP address.