***FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE ***
December 4, 2014
Bleacher Report boxing writer Kelsey McCarson will be matched up against middleweight prospect Jermell Charlo this Saturday, December 6 in a sparring session that has more to it than being a simple test of wills.
“Kelsey really, really wants to be famous,” said one anonymous source with knowledge of the situation. “He’s tried to become a star in the business, but it’s hard to earn respectability as a writer when you’re working for the internet equivalent of newspaper bird cage liner.”
With that focus in mind and the pretense of doing it all for a cancer kid, Kelsey has set out to make a spectacle of himself.
“I suppose he could’ve gotten a celebrity or legendary fighter to spar Charlo and raise $50,000 or more instead of the inconsequential $5,000 raised, but then what would be the use? Kelsey wouldn’t have been able to get himself on radio shows and featured in local newspapers. And he couldn’t have dedicated weeks to self-serving training videos of him getting in shape. Like he told the world on Twitter, he already makes more money than 90% of boxing writers out there, but he wants more. He wants fame and BWAA membership. He wants to BE somebody—and that kid’s cancer was the perfect opportunity!”
Kelsey took time while in “training” to write yet another awkward, self-obsessive article for the now ultra-fem SweetScience.com, sharing the mindset of a fame-hungry scribe about to go through three fake rounds of sparring with a real fighter:
“The fight consumes me. I am not myself. I am short with people and grumpy. People make jokes and I don’t laugh. I stare off into the distance while people around me do normal things like have conversations and share stories about their day…I’m consumed with the fight in a way that I’ve not been consumed with anything prior.”
Will the pressure consume Kelsey before the opening bell? Will his mad quest for fame and appreciation destroy the fragile balance between sanity and insanity? Some are saying that the descent into the black hole of Boxing Writer Munchausen Syndrome has already begun. An anonymous family source is expressing concern.
“I awoke last night at about three in the morning to a demonic cackling in my walk-in closet. I flung open the door and found him sitting cross-legged in the dark, pulling the legs off a spider, smiling like a crazed child.
He was saying, ‘I’m gonna spar with ‘Baby Bull’ next. Spidey needs prosthetic legs. Gonna do another fundraiser. Please donate. Love me. Please?‘
I’m worried what’s going to happen after this fake fight if he gets more than 500 hits on YouTube. He may be unstoppable!”
Fight fans and followers of Munchausen Syndrome will just have to tune in for themselves as Kelsey will surely make the video available by social media blasting for weeks to follow.