January 17, 2016
A local area man wearing a bronze mask was mistaken for a boxing world champion Saturday.
His plans for a night of rituals and sexual pleasure at an orgy hosted by a secret society came to an abrupt end.
The 30-year-old man who wished to remain anonymous was on his way to a Long Island mansion to “get his fuck on.” His cab driver took a wrong turn and dropped him off at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn.
“As soon as I got off the cab a bunch of guys grabbed me. They put a robe and some boxing gloves on me, then walked me down a hallway like I was some prizefighter,” the masked man said.
“Next thing you know I’m in a fucking boxing ring fighting in front of 10,000 people.”
The masked man feared for his life standing across the ring from heavyweight contender Artur Szpilka.
“I damn near shit myself a couple times up there.”
The masked man held his own for eight rounds when lightening struck in round nine. He landed a powerful right hand that sent Szpilka into unconsciousness.
The referee immediately waved off the fight with Szpilka flat on his back and his eyes wide shut.
“Holy shit! I had plans on doing some slamming tonight, but not with another dude,” the masked man exclaimed.
After the fight, Showtime interviewer Jim Gray asked the masked man, “What do you plan on doing next?”
The masked man’s response?